


You didn't know?

by orphan_account



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jake Peralta, F/M, I know I'm misusing the tagging system im sorry ill go now, I'll read it again in the morning and I'll look for gramatical errors then, It's short and probably not funny but I tired!, John and Jake being college boyfriends is such a funny and also perfect concept??, M/M, Not Beta Read, exactly one cuss word so im marking it teen and up, right now it's sleepy time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: John's skit after a certain college boyfriend calls to let him know he didn't know they were boyfriends.
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, John Mulaney/Jake Peralta
Comments: 19
Kudos: 321





	You didn't know?

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't great but when inspiration strikes you just have to do it sometimes you know?

“So recently I got a call from an old college buddy of mine. I use the term buddy lightly, but I'll get to why in a moment,

“Anyways, my buddy’s name is Jake, he’s now a police officer, and he informed me that he didn’t know that we were boyfriends back in college.” John paused, scrunching up his face a bit.

“Now this was a bit odd because I was under the impression we had been dating. You see, I thought I was pretty clear in this sentiment, after all, we did kiss like a _lot_. And that’s not all, we went on dates! He planned some of them! So to find out he didn’t know was peculiar.

“As I mentioned Jake is now a detective for the police, he’s great at the job and it really suits him, but it makes the whole situation worse because _you didn't_ **_realize_ ** ? Your _job_ is to realize things! You're good at your job, so how hadn’t he known?

“I asked him this.” A pause as John shaped his hand to be like a phone and put it up to his ear, “Jake, how did you not know we were boyfriends, in college?” John turned 90º on his heel to face the other direction. Quickly, putting down his phone hand he faced the audience, “and he said, and I quote,”

“Oh, well I didn’t know I was into guys.”

Turning again, John looked flabbergasted. “He didn’t know!” He exclaimed, walking to the other side of the stage, one arm thrown up in exasperation. 

“I have to remind you all now, we kissed! Multiple times! And I’m not talking about a peck on the lips, no, we full-on made out, and he didn't know!” 

“Last I checked, tongue isn’t just a friend thing. If I had known he thought we were just friends I wouldn't have let him talk so much about Die Hard.”

“Speaking of Die Hard, which by the way I know way too much about, it brings up my next question.” Once again he put his hand up to his ear. 

“So how’d you find out?”

“Which is a reasonable thing to ask, and he responded,” John turned 90º, “Well I was watching Die Hard with my wife,

“Whom I assume has had to hear many of the same conversations as I had,

“And she asked if I had a crush on Bruce Willis,

“He replied that of course, and to be fair, who hasn’t? If you have the time, look at a picture of Bruce Willis and tell me that he isn't a handsome ass man. Moving on,

“Then she asked if I liked men.”

“Now that one’s _always_ a thinker. Though apparently at the time he looked down, back up, said “shit” and got up to call me.”

“The lesson I learned from all this, is that when your college boyfriend calls you to ask if you were boyfriends, set up brunch to thank his wife for the idea for a skit.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope that wasn't terrible! These two interacting is such a funny concept to me so you know I wanted to write it!  
> As a lesbian, I have no idea if Bruce Willis is hot by the way so that exists I guess.


End file.
